I'm lost in a sea of dark thoughts. I cannot seem to reach a shore, not knowing if there is a shore to start with.
Although i understand that it's only virtual, it is real enough in my mind.
It's opaque and calm. How tempting to just relax and give in as it sucks you into it... drowning you, drowning all of your second thoughts, drowning all of your attempts to fight it, drowning all of your hopes.
As i lay on my back, thoughts threatening to engulf me, i can see people passing by; Some look at my lying carcass with interest, others hardly see it at all.
Some don't say a word... sometimes i see them whispering to each other.
Some just wave and move on, i smile and wave back.
Some stop and ask if I'm okay, i smile and say "I'm fine" while wondering in my head: "what do you think I'm doing here, having a bath?", I wish they would just let me be.
Some stop and tell me how their friend at work fell off the carpet and broke his damn head, i show my sympathy and say something about how horrible that must be.
Some seem very affected by my state, a minute and they are gone. but i can still see them with the corner of my eye, pointing and laughing... i can still see you morons.
Some insist on getting me out, "helping me" they call it. What would i have if i just left all my thoughts behind?.... "I'll be o.k." i tell them "go find a damsel in distress or something"
Some people tell me that i need someone beside me... Why? so we could drown together?
Some come and some go, but all in all it's just like the animation on your screen saver, the same view repeated over and over again. If you want you could lose yourself in it, it's hypnotizing... It's not helping.
8 years ago
6 comments:
Leaving you be is a simple request that some find it too hard to understand it is not common that someone asks to be on thier own although I believe sometimes its the only way of actually getting out if there is a way out.. Loved this post simply get me thinking about a lot of things.. one thing would be the simple Q of "how you doing?" that starts the conversation and how empty it is.. is it a norm or a true Q? just a thought..
I guess it mostly is a substitute for saying hi and then standing in an uncomfortable silence.
When it is sincere, it fails because of their inability to help, and it turns into nothing but a nuisance.
that's so beautiful!
I like your blog
Thank you silent... i really appreciate it.
This post fueled my imagination!!
Nice work!
About the uncomfortable silence, British people tend to talk about the weather as a way of filling it.. Think of the weather as "something we have in common"!!
Hawk, it's their way of being "clever", ever read George Mikes "how to be an alien?", invaluable advice about the secret workings of brits.
Italians used to inquire about the weather all the time too, but i guess they were just investing their time in finding out about their next summer vacation.
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